True Love
by Jade Rozes
Summary: One day Kakashi bought a small orange book. Six years later, they were inseparable. This is what happened in between. Quite simply, this is the story of a man and his porn. T for some language. Ch7: Kakashi meets Team 7
1. Smile

**Disclaimer: I own nothing and am amongst the Great Unemployed, so I'm not making any money off of this.**

**As a quick explanation, the first part is an introduction to the fic in general. The drabble (yes, it's exactly 100 words. I counted.) introduces some concepts that the rest of the fic will loosely deal with in a bunch of semi-related one-shots. It's up to you to decide what's what.**

**Enjoy!**

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**To say that Kakashi likes reading porn for the plot is…inaccurate. He finds that the stories are too flimsy, too contrived to be pleasureable. In fact, they don't even deserve to be called "stories."

But to say that he's perverted is inaccurate too. He's never minded the accusing glares of those who didn't understand, or the sympathetic nonchalance of those who did. He's not looking for attention, like Naruto, or obsessive, like Sasuke. And he's far too unbalanced to care about his image like Sakura. Kakashi is long past the point of explaining or saving himself.

But he can try.

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Although it was the orange colour of the cover that first caught his attention, it was the happy faces of the people on it that held it. He bought the book on a whim, without even looking at the back. When he got home, he propped it up on the tiny splintering table in his bedroom, next to his warped shaving mirror. Then he sat down at the foot of his bed, knees dangerously close to the table's rickety leg, and stared at it.

The sunlight streaming in from the window on his left did nothing to make the book's glossy front less eye-catching, and Kakashi found himself studying it. The cheerful, unembarrassed colour of the cover and the light, childish sounding name contrasted vehemently with the carefully chosen neutral bedspread and unadorned whitewashed walls of his small bedroom. For someone who had spent his life ruthlessly suppressing his emotions, the garish joy that the cover exuded was overwhelming.

He gave up trying to take it all in and turned his attention back to the people on the cover. There was a civilian man chasing a civilian woman. She was laughing, with her arms spread out as though she were about to fly; her smile crinkled her eyes into crescents.

Kakashi wondered what it would be like to smile like that.

Slowly, under his mask, he stretched his mouth into a grin, pushing his lips wider and wider, until his jaw and cheeks ached, but his reflection showed that above his mask, his one good eye was still open. Suddenly, he was reminded of his sensei's fierce smile and flashing white teeth, and how his eyes also used to close when he grinned. Kakashi dropped his own parody quickly, feeling sick and twisted and very alone.

He looked back at the cover. The woman was still smiling. Quickly he flipped the book over so that he wouldn't have to look at her face. The back, instead of featuring the short blurb he'd expected, simply had a no entry sign. The corner of his mouth twitched upward briefly as he lightly touched his mask. It seemed that he and _Icha Icha _weren't _completely_ different.

He picked it up then, its smooth cover cool against his fingers. It felt good in his hands, not too big to be a burden, but not too small to be insubstantial. Turning it over, he looked at the front again. She was still smiling her wide, impossibly happy grin. He stared at it a while before turning the corners of his mouth upward slightly in response. When he realized what he was doing, he quickly squinted his uncovered eye until it was almost shut, careful not to let his mouth sag in the process. He felt like an idiot, and glanced in the mirror for confirmation.

His warped reflection showed him that he looked just like the woman on the cover, like his sensei--approachable, normal. Or, at least, as normal as he ever could look. The corners of his mouth spontaneously turned up further until he was genuinely smiling, ridiculously, inexplicably proud of his achievement. Kakashi couldn't see himself anymore--his eye closed completely into a perfect crescent.

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**The next chapter has a bit more action. I'll try my darndest to have it up by Thursday, but my betas have real lives (unlike me). Speaking of which, many thanks to sub_textual over at LJ for her beta of this chapter.**

**This is my first non-collab fic, so I would really appreciate concrit. If someone was walking around in a pitch black room, you'd give them a flashlight, right? Or at least, tell them where the furniture is so that they don't stub their toes. I'd threaten you with more extended metaphors, but I'm out :) Cheers!  
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	2. Hide

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, so I really can't make any money off of it, can I?**

**Also, A/N: This chapter is unbetaed. The betaed version will be put up later. As I said before, my beta has a life and I'm afraid that my rather restrictive schedule made us repeatedly miss each other. I hope this is up to snuff (and if it's not, tell me!).  
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The first time Kakashi opened _Icha Icha_, it quite possibly saved his life.

He had been assigned a solo A-rank assassination. The target was over seventy with an untreated hip problem which rendered him incapable of moving quickly. His miserly tendencies apparently extended from his medical expenses to his security detail: a large number of the most unskilled (and therefore cheapest) mercenaries, all far below genin level. If necessary, Kakashi could go through them like a kunai through rice paper. It wasn't even an ANBU level mission, but the client had specifically requested one, and had even paid extra. "Just in case," the man said.

He arrived at the mansion where his target was staying and spent the requisite twenty-four hours on recon. The next evening Kakashi donned his ANBU gear and watched from a nearby tree as the target sank into bed and turned off the lights. He waited a couple hours for the cover of nightfall before infiltrating. After reaching the bedroom with minimal fuss, he dispatched the guards outside it, and slipped in, a kunai in each hand.

The bed had been slept in, but was empty. Before he could do much more than process the scene, Kakashi heard a rustle to his left. He ducked and somersaulted towards the sound as a blade sliced through the air where his head was a second ago. Coming out of the roll, he used the momentum to propel himself towards a figure half-hidden in the shadows. Kakashi saw the man's eyes widened in fear as he snapped his right arm out, using the kunai in his hand to stab him in the neck. Pivoting behind his victim to avoid blood spatter, he quickly cut across the throat (through the Adam's apple and windpipe) to ensure that the guard wouldn't make any noise as he died. He then caught the gurgling man from as he fell and lowered him quietly onto the floor. Threat eliminated, he wiped his kunai clean on his glove and walked over to the bed, making sure to step over the quickly-forming pool of blood. Peeling one of his gloves off, he placed the back of his hand on the slight, body-shaped indent in the middle. It was cold, meaning the target had been moved a while ago. They had known he was coming.

He had been either set up or sold out, probably by the client (who was the only one beside the Hokage who knew of his mission), but it didn't matter. Konoha had been paid upfront and he was risking his life every second he was in the house. Of course, now he couldn't trust the information in the mission scroll. For all he knew, there could be a large number of S-class missing nin in the compound. That made things rather more difficult.

Kakashi opened the bedroom window and swung himself out. He was confident that he could move faster than most chuunin and probably a good proportion of jounin, but to utilize that, he had to be outside where he could maneuver freely. He ran up the wall and hauled himself onto the tiled roof. If, by any chance the rest of the guards were as unskilled as the ones he had encountered so far, they would be less comfortable up here. And if not, he would have a better idea of their level.

Hoping for the former, he sprinted across the rooftop towards the safety of the forest surrounding the mansion. Once among the trees, it would be a lot easier to shake off pursuit. Suddenly, he felt a flare of chakra and sprung backwards, arms shielding his face, just as the portion of roof immediately in front of him exploded. He flew through the air a good fifteen feet above the roof, senses searching for killing intent. _There. From above_.

His body twisted as a kunai sliced through the air in front of him and embedded itself between the tiles. _Too slow_, Kakashi thought as he continued the motion, flipping so that he would land on his feet. _Low level throw._ He alighted and looked up to see the owner of the weapon standing on the roof several yards away, next to the kunai. _So he isn't been able to change his trajectory in air or he's trying to get me to underestimate him._

The man in front of him yanked the kunai out of the roof and charged. His form was poor (arms back, head thrust forward, weight unbalanced), but Kakashi suddenly sensed a presence behind him and one more behind the smoke that the explosion had produced. Two others were quickly clambering up the walls. He was surrounded.

The group attack and the bad form pointed to a high genin or low chuunin skill level. And since they were the first real enemies Kakashi encountered after the guard in the bedroom, he could assume that they were the strongest fighters. There was no point in sending the weakest only to have them slaughtered. Nothing he couldn't handle, but if he assumed the worst (that the mission scroll had been right about the _amount_ of them), he was in for a long night.

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Kakashi was exhausted. He had clawed his way out of the compound and disappeared into the trees, leaving a fairly large body count behind him. After making sure that he wasn't followed, and laying some false tracks just in case, he headed for camp. With the swiftness of long practice, he packed up and changed into his normal jounin clothes. Although he only had some minor scratches and bruises, the effort it had taken not to get a lot worse had drained him. Unfortunately, the mission scroll had been fairly accurate in terms of quantity of personnel, and although they were all below chuunin, they were significantly more skilled than he'd been expecting.

Bowing to the need to conserve his energy in case of another fight, he walked through the woods instead of taking to the trees. The sun was just rising when he hit the main road an hour and four minutes later, at 0516. Here, he paused, thinking. If he wanted to travel through the trees, he needed at least half a day's rest to have enough energy left over to defend himself. Unfortunately, he simply didn't have that much time. They would find him first, and he wasn't sure if he could cut his way out again. Of course, there were soldier pills, but he'd already taken as many as he could without making himself seriously ill. That left disguise. He was too low on chakra to henge or cast a genjutsu. However…

He pulled off his gloves and jounin vest and stuffed them into his pack. Then he bent down and took the tape off his pants, letting them hang loose around his ankles and partially cover his standard-issue ninja sandals. His kunai holster and back pouch were removed and put away, leaving him armed only with the weapons hidden up his sleeves. The hitae-ate came off too, was carefully folded and placed at the bottom of the pack. Then he took out a roll of bandages and used them covered his sharingan eye before continuing to wrap them down over his tell-tale mask until they vanished into his shirt. A man with a nearly completely bandaged face would still be suspicious, but his mask was as infamous as he was, so he couldn't take the risk of _not_ hiding it. Besides, in a pinch, he could come up with a plausible excuse for the wrappings, while a simple mask was harder to explain away. Finally, he took out the non-descript ANBU cloak and clasped it at his throat, using the hood to hide his distinctive silver hair (along with any incriminating blood that might have dried in it) and his bandaged face. Hopefully, he now looked like a well-worn traveler, or perhaps a mercenary. Then he shouldered his pack, arranged his cloak over it, and set out.

In an attempt to appear nonchalant, he shoved his hands in his pockets, and his fingers brushed the _Icha Icha _book. He had been carrying it around for about a week before the mission. When it had fit perfectly into his pocket, he had been completely unsurprised, and its weight soon became a familiar presence. This, he reflected, was probably why it had lain there forgotten.

Reasoning that it would be plausible for his head to be bowed if reading, he pulled out the book and opened it. At the angle he was holding his head, his hair and face were completely obscured from the sides by the hood and hidden from the front by the open book. He began to read.

About a paragraph in, Kakashi suddenly went very still. Although it wasn't visible, his neck and face were heating in a spectacular blush. He coughed in embarrassment and glanced around guiltily before looking back at the page. Technically, it was illegal for him to even own the book, and would be until his eighteenth birthday next year. It was possible that his chuunin vest, height, and grey hair had misled the shopkeeper. The man certainly wouldn't be the first to simply assume that Kakashi was in his twenties. He did think it odd that he hadn't been asked for proof of age, until he remembered how the storeowner had all but snatched the money out of his hands. He frowned to himself in disapproval. Greed should never supersede the law.

However, it wasn't as if Kakashi had much of a choice. It was already fairly warm, so his cloak seemed out of place. If he looked like he was _trying_ to hide his face, he was just asking for trouble. Besides, he might be jumping to conclusions. It was entirely possible that just the first few paragraphs were racy, and the rest would be age-appropriate material. After a pause, he continued to read. Two pages, one paragraph, and four sentences later, when (in spite the control years of training had given him over his body and mind) he felt his blood rush somewhere besides his face, he snapped the book shut and blanked his mind until his body returned to normal. Then he slowly opened it to a random page and gave every appearance of reading.

In reality, he was staring into space. Oddly enough, he felt betrayed. After the light-hearted, innocent picture on the cover, he had been expecting…well, honestly, he didn't know _what_ he had been expecting. But it certainly hadn't been that.

To go to a brothel after a mission was one thing. It was paying for a service to satisfy a basic instinct (Kakashi firmly believed that it wasn't a need), so that he could perform his job to the fullest extent. He'd seen shinobi who'd sworn off such activities as a distraction. Eventually, they channeled their latent energy it into other, often destructive paths. Some even became unbalanced or needlessly tense, which in turn took a toll on their performance. However, to write about it, to _read _about it, was…well, it was disgusting. There was no purpose to it other than the basest sort of pleasure, and Spartan that he was, Kakashi found this idea appalling. He'd expected more.

But as much as it irked him, he needed to appear as though he was thoroughly engrossed in the story. So he continued to stare blankly at the book, letting the words blur slightly out of focus while his other senses strained for sign of pursuit. Every so often he would turn the page.

They found him two hours and twenty six minutes later at 0742. He felt the presences in the woods on either side of the main road. Six altogether, poorly concealed, traveling on the ground instead of through the trees, and next to no chakra. They were probably scouts who would report their findings to some higher level hard-hitters. So all he had to do was convince them that he was just another traveler…

They came out of the woods and surrounded him. Kakashi pretended to be startled even as he tested his chakra. Nope, it was still too low for genjutsu, and an out-and-out fight would alert other enemies to his presence as well as drain them further. Unfortunately, the young men barring his path seemed to be spoiling for a battle, and would probably not leave him alone until they had one. His best hope was to find an excuse for them to start a fight with him. That way, he could dictate the situation and hopefully ensure that his hair and face stayed covered. Then, if he didn't fight back, there was a good chance that they would get bored and leave.

He hunched as if in fear, letting the hood of his cloak fall forward and cast his face in shadow while making to hide his book. He purposely moved too slowly, angling the cover so that the sun glanced off the gloss and the vehemently orange expanse on the back was very visible. Naturally, the gesture caught the attention of one of his assailants.

"What you got there?" the man asked with a nasty grin as he snatched the book out of Kakashi's hand.

The shinobi hunched further, making sure that his face was completely invisible. "Nothing," he muttered.

The man glanced at the cover. "Icha? And you're reading it in public? You sick pervert! Is this what gets you off? _Is it_?" He brandished the book at Kakashi while the other man hung his head, practically touching his chin to his chest as he rapidly processing the information. Of course, he had heard the word before, but he hadn't been aware that it had a specifically sexual connotation. He had planned to distract them with the book and then pretend to go for one of them while they were examining it. It seemed like a reasonable thing for a lone traveler to do if surrounded by possible-bandits. They would defeat him soundly, congratulate themselves, and leave, allowing Kakashi to continue to Konoha without fear of pursuit.

However, it seemed that _Icha Icha _had already given at least one of them an excellent reason to fight him, saving him a couple precious moments. Even better, the man holding the book had some sort of morality complex. All Kakashi had to do was rile him up. It was absurdly simple.

He made a grab for the book, as if to snatch it back. The man who was holding it stepped out of reach and glared at him suspiciously. He turned the book upside down and shook it. When nothing fell out, he began leafing through it, turning redder with each passing second from embarrassment or rage. Kakashi suspected some of each.

Finally finished with the book, the man looked up, his mocking grin now a scowl. Rather quickly for someone untrained, he pulled his arm back and swung it forward, punching Kakashi in the jaw. Since there was no chakra behind it, it normally wouldn't have made him so much as wince, but Kakashi twisted with it and threw himself on the ground. Hopefully playing weak would make them less likely to associate him with the one-man army from the mansion as well as satisfy their egos, causing them to leave sooner. Worst-case senerio, it would mean that they would greatly underestimate him if it became necessary to fight back.

Kakashi pushed himself off the ground until he was on all fours and clutched the side of his face, as though in pain (not-so-accidently obscuring it). The man took the opportunity to kick Kakashi in the stomach. This time he had to put a little less effort into overacting as he collapsed face-down on the ground, still clutching his face. Kakashi was sure that there was more coming when a voice rang out to his left.

"Kato! Enough. We're wasting time."

Kato stopped and presumably turned his attention to the speaker. "How do you know Inoue-_san_?" he asked acidly, packing sarcasm into the honorific.

There was a pause before Inoue replied. "First off, he doesn't have any blood on his clothes. We were told that he had multiple wounds." Kakashi thanked his stars that someone had exaggerated the report. If he had been dealing with true professionals, he would probably be dead several times over by now.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the intake of breath as Kato opened his mouth to argue. Inoue cut him off by continuing the explanation. "However, that alone would not suffice. He could have healed himself for all we know." Kakashi risked a glance upwards through his fingers. Kato had opened his mouth again, but Inoue held up a finger, silencing him. "The intruder was one of Konoha's ANBU, elite assassins. None of them would go on a mission with such a…distraction. It would be extremely unprofessional."

Kakashi blinked. Well, _that_ was unexpected. He had been saved quite a beating and possible discovery by illegally owned porn. _If_ Kato accepted the explanation, that is. Kakashi held his breath following Inoue's speech, and from the feel of it, he wasn't the only one. The two probably butted heads a lot, and the silence of the rest of the group indicated that neither were victorious often enough to be the undisputed leader. His nin-dogs had taught him a lot about human nature, an irony that wasn't lost to him even as he lay there waiting for the reaction of his would-be tormentor.

Finally Inoue gently prompted the other man. "They said that he'd probably be walking, but if we don't move out now we'll never catch him."

Kakashi could feel the reluctance and anger radiating from Kato, but the man finally threw the book on the ground in front of him. "Keep your filth," he sneered at Kakashi, before turning on his heel and disappearing into the woods. The others soon followed suit.

As Kakashi felt their presences move further away, he let out the breath that he didn't know he'd been holding. His shoulders and arms (which had been ready to push him up in an attack the second things went out of control) relaxed. He made a show of getting up slowly and painfully, in case someone was still watching him. Then he dusted himself off, picked up the book, and resumed the journey home.

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**Fun fact: Kakashi was originally doing laundry in this scene, but when I fell asleep rereading _my own fic_ I decided to change things around. I've never written an action scene before, so I would love concrit (of course, I've never really written before, so I would love concrit anyway). Cue extended metaphor!**

**Say you and a friend were hauled into the police station. Your friend was questioned while you watched from behind a one-way mirror. Having never been questioned by the police before, she started making an ass of herself. Now, she doesn't know you're there, so she doesn't even have your moral support to bouy her up. Unless you charge into the room and tell her how to handle herself, she's probably not going to get any better. So what are you waiting for? Get in there and slap some sense into her!  
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**I have plenty more where that came from (i.e. out of my arse), and I have a feeling that they're going to get more ridiculous. My point is, I don't know that you're out there unless you drop me a line, and that can be slightly disheartening. And I'm pretty damn sure that there's _something_ I could improve on. So go on. Let's have a dialogue.**

**One final piece of business: for reasons out of my control, I will not be updating until April 20th earliest. I have not abandoned the fic (the next chapter and a half are already written), and do not intend to do so any time soon.**


	3. Break

**By some miracle of God, a lot of alcohol, and a forty-minute walk to the nearest electronic store, I have internet. I don't know how long this will last, so I decided to post this chapter now (once again unbetaed...sorry about this guys) before I vanish again.**

**So, disclaimer: I own nothing and am not making any money off of it.**

**Also, this chapter makes references to Kakashi Gaiden. I would suggest some sort of familiarity with the story line before reading.**

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Kakashi sat up violently, his chest heaving as he sucked in air. The moon shone brightly through his window, its merciless light showing every detail of his sheets and a good part of his worn wooden floor while leaving the rest of his small room in blackness. The pattern of the window panes casted a sharp shadow, stretched and distorted to twice the size of the window itself. Kakashi forced himself to take in the familiar sights, willing his breathing and heart rate back to normal.

He never remembered his nightmares, of course. Technically, he wasn't even supposed to have them. If captured by an enemy, dreams could give away valuable information at worst, an insight into the subconscious at best. They were the sign of an undisciplined mind, and Kakashi was sure that the months spent in the village between missions were making him soft, even if he _was_ training regularly. He felt a moment's wistfulness for the insomnia that had plagued him in the months following the Kyuubi attack, and even for the deep catch-up sleep he'd had after he finally crashed. But better than insomnia were the horrors of the S-class missions he often took as an ANBU captain. Unfortunately, with the new tentative peace that had settled, such missions had all but dried up. Now there was no sleep deprivation or the single-minded focus that only a mission could bring to distract him into dreamlessness.

In the dark, he frowned slightly. This was ridiculous. He'd killed people, sometimes rather gruesomely. He'd seen people he cared for killed, quietly and suddenly, so that the first couple times it took him a second to realize that they were dead. Overall, he'd seen more corpses than he could count. And aside from when he had come home to his father's gutted body curled on the ground like a sleeping child, he'd never had nightmares about any of it. Sighing, he lay back down, pulled the covers to his chin, and stared at the ceiling.

Despite his effort to keep his mind on mundane things, like how much rice he needed to buy for the week, and whether he should clean the bathroom, it soon wandered. Thinking about the politics behind the dearth of missions kept him occupied for a bit. The shaky new alliance with Suna was responsible certainly, but even that could be traced back to the Kyuubi attack, which had depleted their numbers so severely that Konoha was still recovering the losses. There was also the Daimyo's push to keep ninja close to home in case another country tried to capitalize on the Fire Nation's weakness and civilians' persisting lack of confidence in Konoha ninja. It seemed that they would never be free of the effects of the Kyuubi attack. However, eventually (almost inexorably), such thoughts lead to ones about the attack itself, and from there to the people it had taken from him.

Even now, years later, Kakashi dwelled Rin, and his promise to Obito to protect her. And how once again, when it really counted, he had failed spectacularly. Then, as usual, his mind ran in circles with a thousand what-ifs. What if Rin hadn't been one of the first ones to the battle when the Kyuubi appeared out of nowhere? What if she had been on a mission, or out to dinner, or anywhere but her tiny apartment on the north-west border of the village, a measly mile from the fox? What if Kakashi had had the presence of mind to find her before she ran off to heal ninja on the front line? What if the man she was healing had been injured just two more feet away from where he and Rin had been stepped on by one of Kyuubi's massive paws? What if his sensei had gotten there just a few seconds earlier?

His stomach suddenly clenched and he unsuccessfully tried to backtrack to the rice. Even though he had witnessed his sensei's death with his own eyes, he hadn't believed it. Kakashi had seen the man bleed from more wounds than he could count, and he had seen him break every bone in his body at least once, but in spite of it all he had firmly believed that his sensei was indestructible. He wasn't supposed to die, not when he still gave Kakashi advice and worked on new jutsus with him. They hadn't been _done._

Kakashi rolled restlessly onto his side and found himself staring out his window at the village, brighter yet somehow muted in the moonlight. He didn't know what he had expected to happen. The Kyuubi had been unstoppable, a raw force of nature like a hurricane or a tornado. But his sensei had stopped it, and Kakashi had later been surprised that he _hadn't_ been surprised. Against all logic, it had been a foregone conclusion in his head that Minato-sensei would be victorious. And judging from the vague cries he remembered to hold the line until the Hokage got there, he hadn't been alone.

Then why had he been so…_shocked_ was the only word for it, that the man had died? Even if he believed his sensei was indestructible, he _knew_ with a certainty born of seeing him regularly injured that he was far from it. What on earth was wrong with him? He squeezed his eyes shut and restlessly rolled onto his other side, curling up a bit more. He didn't want to think about this. It made his chest feel hollow and his stomach unsettled, but after years of running away, there was nothing to distract him now. He pictured Minato-sensei bruised and bleeding in a futile if conscious effort to convince himself that the legendary ninja was human, and therefore breakable.

And then Kakashi realized that it was _because _he had seen his sensei hurt countless times that his irrational belief had taken root. No matter how beat up he got, or how close to death he came, Minato-sensei always came out looking no worse for the wear, as though he had _meant_ for all those things to happen to him. He was indestructible because he had never been destroyed, and even though they had learned not to fall into such emotional traps while still in academy (rule 26-B in the handbook), he had been seduced by the idea as easily as some hormonal teenage civilian looking to lose his virginity. So when the Kyuubi came, and Sensei had faced off against it, Kakashi never gave the outcome a second thought because nothing could stop his Hokage.

And finally he realized that what he had been expecting, even as he saw Minato-sensei's body keel over like a puppet with its strings cut, was a miracle.

His eyes snapped open. He felt angry, as angry as he had been with his father before Obito. Of course, some of the anger was directed at his sensei for letting him believe, but a large part of it was directed at himself. And mixed in with that anger was disgust and a little bit of fear, because _God__s,_ what was wrong with him? Shinobi didn't have room for beliefs or miracles. They were machines, tools, and everything else was a hindrance. Beliefs made for bad decision-making, and bad decisions resulted in failed missions and dead teammates. Like Obito and Rin.

Fuck, _Rin_. She wasn't supposed to have died either. He'd promised Obito. _Promised_.

Kakashi sighed and realizing that he wasn't going to go sleep any time soon, sat up. He was immediately faced with his tiny shaving mirror, propped up (as always) against the whitewashed wall. Next to it was the book, still lying on the table where he had thrown it after his last mission (a compromise between the fact that it had saved him and the fact that it was unthinkably lewd, not to mention illegal). For the first time in quite a while, his mind wandered from the attack and his dead team to a not-unpleasant memory of leaning the book up against the wall and studying it. Although now, in the semi-darkness, he honestly couldn't see what had intrigued him so much. It was quite frankly an ugly design, and he hated the colour orange.

But since the other option was lying back down and mentally chasing himself in circles, he shifted himself until he could reach his book with minimum effort. Grabbing it off the table, he rolled onto his back, feet on his pillow, torso and head caught in the moonlight. Since he didn't feel like getting up and turning the light on, angled the open book so that the text kept out of the shadows. Reasoning that he could just skip the graphic scenes, he began to read.

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**Please, please tell me what you think! Even a line of "I liked this bit" or "This part was too over the top." At this point, I'd even take "I made those pancakes" or something similarly random. I'd like to know more about you than just a number on my stats page. You're a real person, I'm a real person...tell me what you think.**

**Also, for those of you who were wondering, Inoue and Kato both have vague backstories that make them act the way they did (overly-moralistic and patronizingly calm). I like them and if they decide not to turn up here, keep an eye out for them in my other stuff.  
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	4. Hope

**Sorry this took so long to get out. The bit of dialogue at the end did not want to be written. Also, I am officially betaless (lol, irony), so this and all other chapters after it will be unbetaed. I apologize in advance. And if anyone could point me in the direction of a good beta, I would be eternally grateful.**

**Disclaimer: I cannot speak Japanese or draw, and therefore do not own any of the Naruto characters (but those are the only reasons!). And since I don't own them, I'm not making any money off of this.  
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Kakashi read until dawn, then showered, had breakfast, and generally took his own sweet time until he was just the right amount of obnoxiously late. Finally, he slipped on his sandals, and stepped out the door, pulling it shut after him before locking it. Once in the open corridor outside his apartment, he gave the surrounding area a quick scan. Satisfied that no one was observing him, he formed the hand signs that would activate the seals on his doors and windows as well as the traps around them. Then he put both hands in his pockets and leisurely strolled towards the stairwell. It looked like it was going to be a nice day and he wanted to enjoy it before partaking in the hard manual labour that training with Gai invariably involved.

As he walked, his fingers absently traced some loose change and what felt like a pen cap in his pockets. It felt stranger than he thought it would be, not carrying the book around with him. Having no desire to be caught unlawfully possessing porn, he decided after his last mission to leave it at home. When he first missed its almost imperceptible weight he hadn't thought much of it. He always felt a bit odd when he changed the contents of his pockets. But much to his surprise, the feeling persisted.

He rubbed two coins together absently, feet automatically carrying him through the village while his thoughts turned to what he had read. The story had been surprisingly long, considering how slim the book was. The characters weren't anything special, and the plot was cheesy, but as easily as sliding a kunai between someone's ribs Kakashi had looked underneath the underneath and found a message that had rather surprised him. Peace.

The author's vision had completely floored him. It wasn't about shaky alliances and tense ceasefires. It was about real, actual, lasting peace. Which, of course, was impossible. He had lived through a war and a demon, and if there was one thing he had learned—

Suddenly, instinct told him to _move_, and Kakashi leaped backwards as three kunai embedded themselves in the ground where he was just about to put his foot. He landed, balanced on the balls of his feet, still sliding backwards from the momentum of his jump. Upon coming to a stop his hand went to his holster to draw a kunai of his own. He aborted the movement when something in the corner of his eye caught his attention, and quickly shifting his weight to his heels, he crossed his arms in front of his face and reinforced them with chakra just in time to block a bone-shattering kick. His mind registered a blue ninja sandal and an orange legwarmer before he moved his arms to grip the leg, intending to throw the insufferable man attached to it as far as he could. However, that plan went out the door when Gai lifted his other foot from the ground and aimed another kick at his head.

Kakashi ducked, maintaining his grip on the leg, and let his opponent follow the movement through. At just the right moment he let go, and Gai spiraled through the air, off balance. The man recovered his equilibrium with remarkable speed and managed to land in a crouch, ready for the counter-attack. But Kakashi had taken advantage of the split-second distraction to back well out of immediate combat distance and lean against a wall on the other side of the street in his habitual slouch.

Gai straightened and looked at him, eyes shining, and a fist clutched in front of his chest, just under his chin. "Just what I would expect from my eternal rival!" And with that he launched into a monologue of metaphors.

Kakashi sighed softly. He had long ago given up trying to convince Maito Gai that they weren't rivals, let alone eternal ones. The man had appeared in front of him one day, given him a thumbs up, and declared them something distinctly odd like "springtime warriors destined to eternal combat for the glory of Konoha." By the time Kakashi puzzled out what it meant, Gai had flashed him an impossibly shiny smile (probably some sort of genjutsu) and disappeared.

There had been several encounters since then. At first, the infamous copy-nin tried logic, then violence, and finally bribery to get the man off his back. Somewhere between his failed attempts to shake Gai off and all the challenges, they ended up training together regularly.

Of course, just because some maniac in green spandex had wormed his way through Kakashi's solitude, that didn't mean that it was given up for lost. His strategy these days was to just stare at Gai. Eventually, the man would either shut up or issue a challenge, and judging from the fairly early hour, Kakashi guessed that a challenge would be forthcoming. It was a pity. He had been hoping to at least get to the training field before having to deal with this. Clearly, Gai did not appreciate his tardiness.

However, when his eternal source of frustration showed no sign of stopping despite the pointed stare directed at him, Kakashi pushed himself off the wall and began sauntering towards the training grounds, hands once again shoved in his pockets. Gai gathered his weapons and walked beside him, still declaring all sorts of things with sentences ending in exclamation marks while Kakashi turned back to his thoughts.

Peace. _Was_ it possible? The author seemed to think so, although he didn't make a very concrete argument for it. The book was all dreams and idealism, full of people who did the wrong things for the right reasons only to have it work out in the end. But the world had to be moving in some direction. It would be nice to think that this was it, even if he couldn't be a part of it. On the other hand, nice-to-think wasn't anywhere near a valid prediction of the future. But then again, who was he to say what the future held?

Suddenly, Kakashi became aware of the silence that had just fallen. He glanced at Gai, who was looking at him expectantly. "Did you say something?" he asked mildly.

The other man stopped dead in his tracks and clutched his hair in despair while tears streamed down his cheeks. "You're too cool!" he wailed.

A slightly surprised Kakashi waited for him politely, vaguely wondering whether he should go find someone to deal with this extreme show of emotion. However, Gai got over his sudden fit quickly enough, and they finally resumed their walk, miraculously in silence. Kakashi filed this information away for later. Eventually, when this silence had persisted for a record amount of time, he asked Gai a question. "What do you think of the new peace treaty between Suna and Konoha?"

To a casual listener it might sound like small-talk, but ninja never wasted their time on meaningless conversation (a by-product of a career often ending in unexpected and violent deaths). Between shinobi whose had grown up with constant war, the question was something else entirely. _Do you think it's finally over?_

Gai, apparently completely recovered from his grief, cut the manliest thoughtful pose he could, rubbing his chin with his forefinger and thumb as he strode next to his rival. His tone was as loud and confident as ever, but Kakashi could tell that his words were carefully chosen. "The Hokage has voiced confidence in the alliance. I am sure that it will lead to the glory of both countries."

Kakashi stared at him, surprised by the uncharacteristically cookie-cutter words, and waited for the rest. Finally Gai continued, his voice quieter and more thoughtful. "But the test of its true strength will be it's permanence, which relies on the ninja who will one day replace us." Just as suddenly his tone changed again, slipping back into its usual loud, overly-passionate style. "Do not look so alarmed my rival! The springtime of their youth will surely lead them down the right path!"

Gai clapped him heavily on the shoulder, after which they lapsed back into silence. Kakashi noticed that Gai kept on looking at him out of the corner of his eye with a certain amount of anxiousness, but eventually decided to ignore it in favour of digesting his words. When they finally reached the training grounds he had come to the conclusion that although whatever would happen to him would happen, there was a chance, at least, that _Icha Icha_ author wasn't completely wrong after all. With a small smile under his mask, he started to stretch.

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**So, a couple pieces of business.**

**First off, I would like to give a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed. They really kept me going and pushed me to finally finish this chapter and continue the story. I cannot express my gratitude, or the warm fuzzy feeling every single comment gave me, so I won't try. But it's very nice to know that you're out there and I enjoyed hearing from you.**

**Secondly, my classes in German have started and they're turning out to be much more of a timesuck than I thought they would be. That, and the next chapter (although planned) doesn't seem to want to be written. I think that forcing this stuff results in crappy work, so I'm going to just wait for it to pass. I have not by any means abandoned this fic (or even put it on hiatus, really), but I don't know when I'm going to post again. My apologies. I hope that when I finally find my momentum you're all still interested. On the bright side, the chapter after that is going smoothly so far.  
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**And finally, I would like to apologize to all Maito Gai fans. You and I know he's not as silly as he always acts, but Kakashi's only known him for a little bit and this is all from his point of view. I tried to slip some of the serious, intelligent Gai I know is underneath all that green spandex in towards the end and in the fight. I just hope it was enough.**

**Cheers! And thanks for reading.**


	5. Celebrate

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and am not making any money off this fic.**

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Kakashi was sprawled on his ratty couch, rereading the non-graphic portions of _Icha Icha_ when someone pounded on his door. He looked up in surprise, unnerved for two reasons. First off, he never had visitors. Second, and more worryingly, his door had quite conspicuously failed to explode outwards in a thousand deadly splinters. As if to mock him, whoever was outside hammered on it again.

Kakashi stood and slipped a kunai out of his holster while he absentmindedly pocketed his book. He automatically avoided the parts of the floor rigged to squeak as he padded to the door, bare feet silent on wood. In one swift movement, he swung it open and hefted the kunai, ready to disembowel the person on the other side, should they prove to be an enemy. Of course, when he saw who it was, he nearly disemboweled him anyway.

"Many happy returns, eternal rival!" Gai proclaimed, giving him a huge, impossibly shiny grin and a thump on the back. Kakashi blinked.

"Come, put your shoes on. We are going to go celebrate your youthfulness!" Gai stood on threshold, waiting as though this were a perfectly reasonable demand. Kakashi, in the mean time, was forming a quickly-growing list of questions. He started with the most important one.

"How do you know where I live?" he asked.

Gai's cheerfulness faltered slightly. "What?"

"How do you know where I live?" he repeated, gathering momentum. "And when my birthday is? That information is classified." The silence that followed was palpably awkward, even though it lasted only a second.

"My will of fire is unquenchable!" Gai answered after a moment's hesitation. "Now come. I gave my word that I would buy dinner if you won the last challenge."

Kakashi gave Gai a baleful glare, but never one to say no to free food, slipped his sandals on. Stepping outside, he noted that although none of the permanent traps around his apartment had been set off, the seal to make his door explode had been deactivated. Damn him, that seal hadn't been cheap. He glared at Gai again, who seemed intensely interested in the view from the open hallway outside the apartment.

They set off, Kakashi staring straight ahead. Gai walked next to him, face suspiciously neutral as he continued to admire the view. Kakashi imagined that he could feel the self-satisfaction radiating off his sparring partner and wondered how he had once again been so easily maneuvered out of his treasured solitude. He shoved his hands in his pockets, the one outward display of the annoyance he was feeling, and just like on his mission a year ago, was surprised by the forgotten book.

His first reaction was panic. However, he soon remembered that it wasn't illegal for him to own the book anymore, only unspeakably crude. He regarded Gai using his peripheral vision and took in the slight upturn to his lips. Kakashi was sure that it would have been a smug smile if the other man had been anything but an elite shinobi, practiced in schooling his expression. Well, he certainly wasn't going to interrupt his daily activities just because someone was forcing themselves upon him.

With that thought in mind, he pulled out the book and flipped it open. The pleasure he felt when he saw Gai's eyes widen in shock and his mouth turn down from embarrassment was purely a side-effect. A very nice side-effect.

Sadly, it was not to last. Gai was soon back to his usual boisterous self while Kakashi walked silently next to him, buried in his book

They finally stopped in front of _Fuezi_, Kakashi's favourite restaurant. The food wasn't especially good, but it was underground, so there were no windows, and the bright fluorescent lights eliminated all shadows, minimizing chances of an attack. The only way in and out was a glass elevator embedded in a wall. Overall, it was very popular among the more paranoid of Konoha's population.

It was also popular among the very best of Konoha's paranoid. As an essentially inescapable room filled with heavily armed and highly suspicious ninja, dining at _Fuezi_ needed constant alertness and quick reflexes, a challenge that added to the appeal for many, including Kakashi. But this time,when Kakashi pulled open the heavy steel-plated door, his eyes were still glued to the page. Gai raised his eyebrows, but followed him without comment.

The elevator started up with the customary amount of noise, alerting everyone in the restaurant to a new arrival. As they descended past the domed ceiling, Kakashi could feel numerous eyes noting his presence, and presumably his book. Upon exiting the elevator, he stuck a finger in it to hold his place as he followed Gai across the room.

Although he would never admit it, he was at a loss as to _where_ Gai was striding so confidently, since all the tables were full. It was only when a figure at one of the tables started waving in their direction did a horrible feeling take root in Kakashi's gut. Gai _wouldn't…_

He discreetly sniffed the air, checking for someone behind him without breaking his stride. When he didn't smell anyone, he probed for chakra just to be certain. Definitely no one there, which meant that the figure was waving at them.

Apparently Gai would.

Kakashi gritted his teeth under his mask, but was careful to keep his visible eye looking slightly bored.

As they approached, the figure resolved itself into Tenzou's familiar features, barely-contained eagerness written all over them. Genma was to the left of him, tilting his chair back on two legs and chewing on a senbon as he stared at the ceiling. To Genma's left, Asuma was trying and failing to light a cigarette.

Genma looked up at their approach. "About time," he said, glaring at Gai. "We're starving. Happy birthday, by the way." This was directed at Kakashi, who, had he been anyone else, would have developed a stress tick at this point. However, he merely stared at Genma, expression bored, but radiating just enough killing intent to make the situation uncomfortable. The other man shifted slightly in discomfort, then disguised the movement by sitting up straighter in his chair to reach for a menu from the pile in the center of the table.

"Kakashi," Asuma greeted, tactfully avoiding any birthday wishes as Gai took a seat next to Tenzou and picked up a menu, "Got a light?" Kakashi took in the graveyard of matches and cigarette butts in the ash tray near Asuma as he pulled out a matchbook and wondered just how late they were.

Asuma lit up as Kakashi took a seat and put the book down next to his plate. He could feel eyes on him and it, calculating if it was a new weapon. He heard the soft slide of metal as one or two more inexperienced shinobi quietly drew kunai. Asuma heard it too, and looked up. His gaze fell on the book and then traveled slowly to Kakashi. "What is that?" he asked slowly.

"A book." Kakashi answered, his half-lidded eye looking directly into Asuma's in challenge and warning. Kakashi felt more than saw Gai's body tense, ready to fight, even though the other man continued to hold the menu in front of his face. He found himself oddly touched at the act of faith.

Tenzou put his hands up in a gesture of pacification that just happened to free them from under the table in case he needed to cast a jutsu. "Now, now," he said in a reasonable voice, "It's Kakashi-senpai's birthday. He can do as he wishes."

"Of course," Asuma said. "But that's a very odd book for _Kakashi_ to read." His eyes narrowed.

Kakshi kept his tone light. "I found it in a book shop next to Aizwa's. I'm going there tomorrow if you would like to pick up a copy." That wasn't at all true, but most Konoha shinobi knew Aizwa for forging White Fang's blades. It wasn't a reference an imposter would make.

Tenzou dropped his hands and Asuma nodded. Many shinobi put their weapons away and turned back to their food. Genma, who hadn't appeared to move at all but was no doubt ready with his senbon, made a show of craning his neck to look at Kakashi's book. "You've got good taste," he said, more than a tinge of laughter in his voice. He sat back in his chair and opened his menu. Gai let out a small sigh and his shoulders relaxed.

Kakashi knew what he was going to order, so he picked up his book again. By the time the waitress came around, he was half-way through the thirteenth chapter and Gai once again looked quietly mortified.

She went around the table, scribbling down orders. When she got to Kakashi, she smiled and asked. "Your usual Hatake-san? Packed?"

He nodded once. She turned to walk away when something occurred to him. "Akane-san."

She turned to face him.

"I'd like to eat here."

Her eyebrows shot up but she almost managed to hide the expression by bowing quickly. "Of course, Hatake-san."

When the food came, Kakashi held up _Icha Icha_ in front of his face and pulled down his mask. He ate and watched the others talk and joke around him, pretending they weren't hoping for a glimpse behind the orange cover.

After dinner, Kakashi pulled up his mask and put _Icha Icha_ down. He was preparing to leave when he felt a genjutsu around him dispel. Without thinking, he palmed a kunai in each hand and tensed, ready to jump up from his chair and throw them in any direction. At Kakashi's movement, shinobi at every table suddenly bristled with weapons. Some sprang up and knocked their chairs over while others quickly cast genjutsu to disguise themselves. Eyes darted around the room, searching for an intruder. Kakashi sensed a movement. He pulled his arm back to throw a kunai and turned only to see Tenzou disappear under the table and reappear with a brightly-wrapped box. He placed it in front of Kakashi and then looked around the room.

"Didn't mean to scare everyone," he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "We're just having a birthday party." There was a brief silence. When nothing attacked, Kakashi felt the tension seep out of the room. The weapons disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. Shinobi morphed out of the walls and ground to right their tables and resume their seats.

"Didn't think _that_ through," Genma muttered as he stared pointedly at Gai.

Kakashi looked down at the box, kunai still in his hands. Finally he slipped the weapons back up his sleeves with a flick of his wrists and carefully unwrapped the present. As he slowly pulled the tape off, he tried not to think of the last gift he had ever gotten. The paper folded back to reveal a plain white box. Inside the box was a set of fingerless blue gloves, with protective steel plates on the back of the hand.

Tenzou smiled at him. "After you went back by yourself for Miyagi, I realized that you would need all the protection you could get. In case I'm not always there to follow you back behind enemy lines."

Kakashi slid them onto his bare hands. They fit perfectly.

Still wearing the gloves, he unwrapped the presents Asuma and Genma handed him. One was a new set of explosive tags, the other some soldier pills. Kakashi approved. Shinobi presents were always practical.

Gai came last. Kakashi looked at him expectantly. He reached into his pouch and pulled out a scroll, tied shut with a red ribbon intricately decorated with gold. Kakashi untied it and rolled it out.

The scroll was blank, but there was a small piece of paper inside that drifted out. Kakashi's hand shot out and caught it between his index and middle finger before it hit the floor. He brought it up to eye level. It was a new seal for his door.

Gai beamed at him. "The scroll is made of summoning paper, but I thought that you would like something a little more immediately useful. To your youthfulness!" He raised his glass and then put it to his mouth.

If Kakashi hadn't wanted to kill Gai before, he certainly did now. So he did the most unnerving thing he could think of.

He smiled until his eye squinted shut. "Thank you, everyone," he said brightly. "I've enjoyed myself very much."

Gai choked on his drink. As Tenzou pounded Gai on the back, Kakashi felt a vague sense of contentment spread through him. It had been a good birthday.

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**A/N: Once again, a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed. And if you would like to beta for me, please PM me.  
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	6. Escape

**Disclaimer: I own no one and am making no money. Anywhere. Ever.**

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Kakashi's hands were steady as they deactivated the seals and traps around his apartment. They were steady as he unlocked the door and stepped inside.

Her eyes had been brown, like Rin's.

She had felt so frail in his hands.

His body didn't shake and his legs didn't tremble as he made his way to his bedroom. It was exhaustion, not grief that caused him to collapse on his bed and curl up a little. And it was simply adrenaline that made his memory so sharp. He always had the sharp, too-sweet smell of death in his nose after missions. He could always feel the ease with which the kunai went through delicate skin and the soft layers of baby fat before hitting a tiny, yet vital organ. He was a tool, and tools didn't feel remorse.

She couldn't have been more than six.

He wanted to claw his skin off.

Instead he stood up to take a shower. Pulling his shirt over his head, Kakashi found himself glad that Obito was dead. There was no chance that he'd ever learn of what Kakashi had done. He could almost see look of shocked disbelief in his friend's eyes.

He shed his clothing and stepped into the shower, under the painfully hot jet of water. His skin felt dirty in a way that no amount of scrubbing would make better. Again, he had the urge to remove it completely. And if he did, maybe then his fingers would remember nails breaking skin and digging through flesh instead of the way she had struggled against his grip.

He turned and placed his forearm on the wall of the shower-stall, leaning his forehead against it. The tiles were unpleasantly, almost painfully cold on his skin while the high-pressure stream of water from the showerhead scathed his other arm. More water dripped through his hair, over his eyelids and mouth. He breathed deeply. He had to get a hold on himself. What was it they learned in Academy? Oh yes, page 107: the desire for self-mutilation was a sign of extreme guilt or trauma, best overcome by light meditation.

He couldn't let himself go to pieces. He wouldn't. He was a ninja. He did what he was ordered to do and then moved on. It wasn't supposed to be complicated. The mission scroll said to kill her. He was given no explanation. He had no guilt.

_EyesjustlikeRin's._

His hands clenched suddenly, nails digging into his palms. The pain felt good, helped him clear his mind. He squeezed his fists tighter. Focus. Breathe. He inhaled the warm, saturated air inside the shower and tried to blank his mind. In and out. In and out.

When he became aware of his surroundings again, the water was freezing. There was a tinge of red in the small pool circling the drain. He looked at it in surprise and traced the thin path of partly-dried blood drops up his arm to his palm, where his nails had broken the skin after all. An examination of his other hand showed it to be in a similar state. With a sigh he turned the shower off and stepped out.

The world seemed oddly unreal, and Kakashi stood on the rubber mat outside his shower naked and dripping, trying to orient himself. His hand reached for a towel, and he watched as if from a distance as his fingers wrapped around it, tugged it off, and secured it around his waist. Red from the palm of his hand decorated the white towel.

_Childish mouth opened to scream, pudgy hands held up in a futile attempt at protection, big brown eyes wide with terror, pleading with him not to do it._

His stomach lurched and he stumbled hastily to the toilet. He knelt in front of it, hands clutching the cool, smooth edge of the bowl as he breathed deeply, willing himself not to be sick. He was a soldier. He had killed a thousand times and it had never been like this.

When he stopped tasting the bile burning at the back of his throat, he slowly stood and staggered to his bed. His body ached, but he knew that the moment he closed his eyes, the images of his mission would torment him. Rule 47d said that in case of mental trauma following a mission, shinobi should complete three hours of level 2 sleep if behind enemy lines, and eight to ten hours of level 6 sleep if secure. The problem with this was the nightmares. He could already feel them dancing just beyond consciousness. They always came, and they always reminded him of what a failure he was. How everyone he loved died and how everything he did went horribly wrong.. Of how he wasn't good enough to save any of them.

He cast around his bedroom for something to do. The whitewashed walls and shabby furniture seemed to stare back accusingly. Everything was too close and the air was thick. He was suffocating. He couldn't stay.

Quickly, he pulled on some pants and a shirt before practically running out of his bedroom. Usually, he went to the memorial stone. But the memorial stone was for remembering and right now, he needed to forget. To not be himself. He needed to escape, but this time, there was nowhere to escape to.

_Icha Icha_ gleamed under his weapons on the coffee table, where he had dumped them after stumbling through the door. The woman laughed up at him from next to the razor-sharp edge of a kunai. The book was too small. It would last him maybe two hours, if he read all of it. But that was two hours that he wouldn't be inside his skin. He picked it up and sat down on his couch.

_Blood trickled out of the corner of her mouth as her large brown eyes stared past into the distance. They were wide and glassy, as if surprised. Kakashi knew better. She was dead before she hit the ground. Blood pooled out underneath her as he climbed out the window. He was just outside the compound when the lights went on and the screaming started._

No, he wasn't speeding through a dark forest, blood crusting in his hair and decorating his armor. He was in Konoha, at home, on his couch. Hands shaking slightly, he opened the book to page one and escaped.

* * *

Dawn painted the steps to ANBU headquarters. Rabbit, the front door night-guard, pivoted when he reached the end of his march across the front of the building. As he did so, the dull light glanced off something white and caught his eye.

That definitely hadn't been there six seconds ago.

He signaled Tiger, who was patrolling the rooftops, for backup. Tiger nodded once and vanished. A few seconds later four ANBU materialized near Rabbit. Boar held up a palm with his thumb folded inwards. _Did you sense any chakra signatures on the target?_

Rabbit shook his head. Boar stuck out the thumb too. _Any presences?_

Rabbit shook his head again. Boar nodded once and suddenly all the ANBU moved to surround the object. They approached it slowly.

It was a dog mask, with a crack that ran through the center, almost all the way through. It was lying on top of a set of perfectly maintained ANBU armor. Finally, at Boar's signal, Tiger picked it up. Nothing happened. He held it aloft for inspection. The rising sun shone through the jagged crack in the middle. Both it and the armor were blood red in the dawn light.

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The rumors were flying around Konoha by mid-day. Hatake Kakashi had become the first shinobi from any village to sneak into and out of ANBU headquarters undetected. And even more impressively, he had become the first shinobi to ever quit ANBU. Most either died or went insane. Some shinobi whispered that he'd lost his edge, conveniently forgetting the fact that he had breached ANBU security. Still others said that he had had a falling-out with the leader of ANBU. A lot believed that he _had_ gone insane. It was just less noticeable than with the others. And what had his long conversation with the Hokage been about? Not even the Hokage's personal secretary could give anyone any information.

Later that afternoon, Kakashi walked unconcerned down the street as the whispers and sidelong glances skittered around him. Finally, he left Konoha's busy streets and walked down quiet, shady paths to the memorial stone field. He stood in front of it, hands in his pockets, and reflected that _Icha Icha _had been right. His humanity wasn't worth this cycle of violence, no matter how much the Hokage tried to convince him to stay. He should have read the full book in the first place, and gotten its true message.

His fingers brushed its pages. Late again, Hatake. But this time mabye not too late. He pulled his hand out of his pocket and traced Obito's name with his fingertips. He knew that his teammate would have been happy for him. He had escaped.

**END PART 1**

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A/N: Sorry for the apparently long absence. In my head it's been about a month since I last posted but (as Ivy pointed out), it's been much longer than that. The next chapter will be even more of a wait, but I promise, I _will _finish this story.

**More importantly, a huge, huge thanks to Shay for her beta of this chapter (and hopefully all the upcoming ones). Her critiques were clear, thoughtful, and insightful, and she's pretty much the reason this got anywhere near good enough to post. It's like she made art out of alphabet soup.  
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**As always, I would love feedback. What did you like? Even more importantly, what didn't you like? Even something to the effect of "not bad, but not stellar enough for me to leave in-depth concrit" would be helpful.**


	7. Team 7

**Disclaimer: Naruto and it's characters are clearly not mine. If they were, there would be no plot, just character studies**

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"Kakashi," the Hokage ordered. "Remain for further instructions."

Kakashi released the teleportation jutsu as the other jounin vanished around him. He stood in his habitual slouch in the center of the semicircle of Konoha's leaders.

"As you will soon read in the scroll you just received," the Hokage said, removing the pipe from his mouth, "the team you will test includes Uchiha Sasuke." There was a pause, as though he were waiting for the significance to sink in. Kakashi kept his mind blank and waited for the rest.

"He is the last potential user of the Sharingan. Since your transplant, while powerful, has limitations, a fully functional Uchiha would be a huge asset to the village. And you are the only one who can teach him." There was another pause.

Kakashi didn't like where this was going. "Furthermore, I believe that the team he has been placed on, while perhaps currently, ah, _young_," the Hokage smiled wryly for a second, "has the potential to be as great as the Sannin. We would rather he not be separated from them."

So that was what they wanted. Kakashi stared as stonily as he could at the council without being insubordinate. "As such," continued a woman to the Hokage's left, "although you will, of course, not pass any of them without your sincere approval, we are asking you to be very careful in your evaluation. I think, if you give them the chance, you will find a team worthy of your skills." She flashed him an insincere smile and sat back.

Under his mask, Kakashi pressed his mouth into a thin line. "Hokage-sama," he said evenly, completely ignoring the rest of the council, "while I may be a…harsher judge than some of my colleagues, my decisions are ultimately fair. The teams I failed were unfit for the field." He did not add that "unfit" was a gross understatement. They were bratty kids who wanted to play ninja, soft and so innocent it bordered on suicidal. There had been nothing in them to make them teams and Kakashi didn't have the time for incompetence. Somebody else could take them into the field to die.

The Hokage sighed and looked a little tired. "Kakashi, you know I agreed with all your decisions. But the law requires all full jounin to take on a team. Just give Team 7 a chance. They may surprise you." Again, he smiled wryly for a moment before becoming serious again. "Besides," he added, "Sasuke is the only Uchiha Itachi didn't kill. We don't know why, but I have no doubt that he has some nefarious plan. If Itachi ever comes back for his brother, you're the only one who can face him and protect Sasuke, Sharingan to Sharingan. We cannot let another innocent die."

Kakashi didn't want a permanent team. He didn't need a permanent team. And he especially didn't need a team of children. For the first time, he regretted quitting ANBU. He was a trained killer, not a babysitter. But he managed to keep his tone in check as he said, "Yes, Hokage-sama," before teleporting away

* * *

Kakashi was about to be late, so he teleported to a bench on the edge of the village, sat down, and fished the scroll out of his pocket. Like all the others he had received in the past, it contained the names of three academy graduates in alphabetical order and short descriptions of their performance thus far.

_Haruno Sakura_

_First in class in written tests. Superior chakra control. Intelligent, above average analytical skills, mediocre practical skills. Takes no initiative. Eager to please, especially authority figures. Civilian background._

Kakashi could picture her already: a bit of a know-it-all who put too much stock in the book. That would get beaten out of her eventually. He moved on to the main event.

_Uchiha Sasuke_

_First in class overall. Above average chakra control. Focused, disciplined, superior field skills. Anit-social behavior most likely due to the Uchiha massacre and subsequent obsession with Uchiha Itachi. Will only __pay attention__ to those who have proven themselves more skilled than him. Shinobi background._

An obsession with his elder brother combined with an intense focus on his practical skills probably meant that he was training to hunt down Itachi and either kill him or bring him to justice. Kakashi would find out soon enough.

The next name surprised him.

_Uzumaki Naruto_

He wasn't sure how to feel about this one. He had long ago settled on an uneasy compromise between the fact that Naruto was Sensei's son and the fact that he was the Kyuubi vessel, which left him watching Naruto from a distance. Kakashi made sure that Naruto stayed alive, more or less dealt on his own, and never intended to get any closer. Maybe the council thought they were throwing him a bone after saddling him with the Uchiha. Maybe the Hokage thought he would be kinder to Naruto than other jounin would be. Maybe this was all part of some giant plan that it was not his place to fathom. But the fourth's ability with Kyuubi's massive chakra was sure to be a force to be reckoned with. He read on.

_Last in class. Poor chakra control. Poor analytical and field skills. Undisciplined, problems with authority, known delinquent. Loud, attention-seeking, but socially solitary. Shinobi birth._

Well, that was a surprise. From the look of it, Naruto was much more like Obito than Sensei, but then there was Mizuki's defeat to consider. He couldn't be a failure _and_ have single-handedly defeated a chuunin with years of experience. It seemed that for now, Naruto remained a wild card. The only thing left to do was meet them all and see.

A quick glance at his shadow confirmed that if he walked there at a normal pace now, he'd be an hour late, but he felt an odd reluctance to face to them. He didn't know how to speak to children, let alone deal with them for an extended period of time. And then there was the fact that they had all but a free pass. How far would he have to lower his bar? It was too much of a headache to deal with right now, so he reached into his pocket, pulled out _Icha Icha_, and began reading. They could afford to wait.

* * *

Kakashi felt like he permanently forgot how much he enjoyed the book. He eventually walked to the Academy with his nose buried in it, and closed it only when he reached the front gate. As always, he mentally floated for a while in it as he sauntered across the yard and down the hallways. Maybe he was going about this all wrong. Perhaps these children would bring the peace and unity the world so craved, and he would help guide them to it. To be a part of something like that…it would give him a whole new meaning beyond _tool_ and _soldier_. He finally pushed open the door and surveyed the new Team 7. Then a duster fell on his head in a cloud of chalk, and bounced onto the floor. Naruto threw back his head and laughed obnoxiously as he crowed, "He fell for it!" Haruno immediately started sucking up to him, throwing Naruto into the proverbial kunai barrage in the process. Uchiha Sasuke stared disdainfully, clearly judging him by a presumed inability to dodge a chalk duster.

Kakashi bent down and picked up the eraser. He surveyed his new team. They were about as cohesive as an _Icha Icha_ plot, and brats to boot. He instantly decided that he had been right the first time around, in the council room. Being saddled with them was an insult to everything he'd been through and every skill he had. Normally he would have failed them on the spot, but this time it looked like he was stuck with them unless they were almost civilian-level. "Hmm, how can I put this?" he mused. "My first impression of you is…well, I hate you."

* * *

At a loss for how to start, he took them to the roof where Minato-sensei had taken their team and asked the same introductory questions. Naruto demanded that he go first.

"My name is Hatake Kakashi. My likes and dislikes…" He felt _Icha Icha's_ weight in his pocket. "I have no intention of telling you about those. As for my dreams…" His dead father and teammates flashed before him. He moved on. "I have few hobbies."

They looked a bit put out, though he couldn't imagine why. But there were bigger fish to fry. Sensei's features stared at him from a too-skinny twelve year old's face, and personal curiousity got the better of him. "You first," he ordered, looking at Naruto.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto," Naruto said eagerly, fiddling with his forehead protector. They may have been Sensei's features, but Kakashi had the fleeting feeling that he was looking at Obito's face before Naruto continued.

"I like cup ramen. But I like the ramen Iruka-sensei bought for me at Ichiraku's even more. I hate the three minutes that I have to wait for the water to heat. My hobby is to eat different ramens and compare them. And my dream is—"

_To be a bowl of ramen_, Kakashi thought before he could stop himself.

"—to be the greatest Hokage!" Kakashi was surprised. He remembered his sensei saying the same words, with the same determination. But where Sensei was smart and skilled, Naruto was about as quick as a punching post, if his file was any indication. What was he thinking, trying to be Hokage? Naruto certainly grew up interesting.

Aloud he said, "Ok, next."

Sakura jumped in. "I'm Haruno Sakura!" she said, far too excitedly for Kakashi's taste. Rin had been much calmer and more mature when they met. "I like…well the person I like…" she blushed and squirmed, glancing at Sasuke. Kakashi groaned inwardly. So that was what he was in for. As if it wasn't bad enough already. "And my hobby is…well, my dream is to…," she glanced at Sasuke again and squealed, apparently randomly, at a pitch Kakashi didn't know humans could reach. Definitely nothing like Rin.

"And? What do you hate?" he prompted, trying to give her another chance. Maybe there was a shinobi underneath all that girl.

"Naruto," she stated flatly. Naruto wilted. So much for teamwork. Rin had been their peacekeeper. Sakura was anything but. Girls her age were probably far more interested in boys than training.

"Ok, last guy," he ordered.

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke," the boy declared without looking at the rest of his team. He sat with his fingers intertwined in front of his face as his dark eyes stared intently into the distance. "There are many things I hate and there aren't a lot of things that I like." Sakura looked disappointed at that. She'd have to learn to school her expressions if she wanted to amount to anything.

"I have an ambition that I do not intend to leave as a dream. The revival of my clan and to…kill a certain man."

Silence followed this announcement. It was just as he thought, but if Sasuke was seriously hunting his brother, protecting him would be significantly harder. He would have to look into that further. _If they pass_, he added to himself hastily.

When they were done, Kakashi announced the test. Predictably, Naruto nearly aneurysmed, Sakura thought they had learned everything they needed to know in school, and Sasuke maintained his scowl. He wondered why he even bothered looking at their files if they were going to be this easy. But as he turned to leave, there was determination on all three faces. Maybe they had a chance in hell. He made sure to mention not to eat breakfast, just in case.

* * *

In the end, Kakashi tested them as he would any other team. And yes, he was a couple hours or so later to the training grounds than normal. And maybe he made them fight a little harder. And it was possible that he did more to intimidate them. But other than that, it was more or less business as usual.

As far as skill evaluation, Naruto was an easy read, just like Obito had been-all direct frontal attacks and a huge chip on his shoulder to excel that made him easy to bait. But unlike Obito, he was a fast learner and a creative fighter. Maybe he _was_ Minato-sensei's son after all.

Sakura was a disappointment. She was clearly highly intelligent, but "mediocre practical skills" didn't begin to cover it. After six years of training and study, she still completely failed at translating from paper to the field. He really thought that with her mind, breaking a genjutsu would be easiest for her. But she hadn't even detected it, despite Kakashi showing himself to her and making a big deal of blowing leaves around to mark the transition. Not that Rin had exactly been a shinobi genius, but she wasn't useless. And she definitely had never fainted. Sakura would have been killed in an hour in the war.

Sasuke, though, was something else entirely. He was exceptional, probably the best genin the village had seen since Uchiha Itachi, and the only one Kakashi had ever tested to make him put _Icha Icha_ away. But he was arrogant, the way Kakashi had been at his age, and Kakashi could almost literally see him ten years from now with the same regrets. It was going to be an especially difficult road with him. _If I keep them_, he added to himself again. They still had the real test to pass.

"I will give you one more chance," he told them when they stopped for lunch. Their sweaty, dirt-streaked faces lit up like a signaling mirror on a sunny day. "However, the battle for the bell will be much harder after lunch. Eat only if you are up to the challenge. But don't feed Naruto."

He left them alone and concealed his presence behind a tree. Even from here he could hear Naruto's stomach. Then he watched as Sasuke, the arrogant loner, offered up his food to Naruto and the entire team united, like beads threaded onto a string. Time for the final stage.

Kakashi appeared in a huge cloud of smoke. "You three!" he shouted, racing out of it, looking absolutely furious and radiating just enough killing intent to scare them shitless. Naruto and Sakura both screamed with terror and Sasuke fell into fighting stance, ready to defend them to the death. Maybe not so difficult a road after all. He was learning faster than Kakashi ever had.

"You three broke the rule. Are you prepared for you punishment?" He formed the hand signs to cast a mild genjutsu that made it look like the sky was roiling with black clouds. He made lightning flash in the clouds and the earth shake. "Any last words?" he asked ominously. He had to make sure they meant it.

"We're a three man team, right," Sasuke said, fist clenched.

At that Sakura stopped cowering and looked at him defiantly. "That's right! We three are one!"

"Yeah!" Naruto said, kicking and straining at the rope tying him to the post.

"You pass!" he announced suddenly, as he closed his eye into a cresent and released the genjutsu. They stared at him in disbelief, mouths wide open, like guppies. It was the funniest thing he'd seen in a long time.

Sakura beamed and Sasuke smirked with satisfaction, while tears of ecstasy began to well in Naruto's eyes. Kakashi suppressed the urge to call him a crybaby.

"Let's go home," he said instead. He turned to walk back to the village, new teammates following.

* * *

**First, a huge thank you to Shay for sticking with me as my beta and helping me cut a lot of junk from this chapter. As always, she was wonderfully insightful, concise, accurate, honest, and helpful. Please, please remember to review for both of us. It's been so long since I've written, that I'm sure I've developed a whole host of new issues that need addressing, and I would love feedback.  
**

**Also I know, it's been a while, and I'm really sorry about that. A couple pieces of business:**

**1) Starting Monday, I'm going to medical school. Yaaaay! (So review: I have to be able to communicate effectively by writing, or people's lives might be in danger). But med school means a total lack of time, which means that writing is over for me, probably forever. Which brings me to...**

**2) A promise is a promise, and I promised that I would finish this fic. I have the last chapter mostly written, but the middle chapters are missing. So the plan right now is to publish the last chapter to give you, all my wonderful readers, closure, and then go back and do the middle chapters if I ever get time. **

**3) In light of one and two, I'd love to see the story properly finished by someone else. So if you like this idea, and want to keep going with it, go for it! Give me a heads up if you do, because it would make me indescribably happy to read it, but other than that, do what you like, no credit or anything silly like that required.**

**And yup, that's it. So in summary, please review, and feel free to play with this take on Kakashi. If you're interested, PM me, and I'll give you my general outline.**

**Most importantly, THANK YOU FOR STICKING WITH THIS!  
**


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